Dreams

After the Show

The funny thing about the past is that you’ve got no say…
-Kiernan McMullan

Weird crazy ftw!

Towards the beginning, I was in a library-sort of location.  It’s a college scene, so there are students around with books and other computers.  I’m sitting at a computer and I’m doing some illegal business, hacking some programs and sending files.  Things were going well up until someone hinted to the police or librarian that there was some funny business, and I was rushing to type in the URL correct to send.  I kept messing up, and there was this Chinese guy watching me, seeing if I could make it. Telling me to just back out and change the screen. He told me to open up the file program on the desktop. I hit the wrong one, but then I do click on the right one.  The first one was the webcam app, and that opens up as the librarian walks over and I’m sitting there looking at myself in the screen asking why the light is green. Phew. Not caught 🙂 I played with that for a while.

Next scene, we were leaving the computer, but we were at a concert with stadium seating. We were towards the top, and there was a giant screen in the center of it all.  I don’t remember what the event was, but we were all hanging out up there. Then at one point, the show was over, and it was changing sets or something, but the one side of the stadium’s seating changed the seats.  They were kinda comfier looking, but whatever.  We walk out and everyone’s leaving, but there are small groups of people and bands around.

Hanging out outside the stadium in the lobby, Josh Tarrington comes up to me and he wants to know if he looks better with or without glasses.  I answer without and walk away. I didn’t want any more contact with him.  He had his black hair again and some friend with him just dyed his hair black too.

Walking away, I find Kiernan McMullan.I start talking to him and being all friendly, but then he has to go to the bathroom.  The location turns into this dance and we’re all going like some cheap prom.  I remember the entire crowd was dancing and leaning together, so we’re all pretty close. Kelsie Biehn and Kelsey LaBar were there, and other girls tthat you may find amongst them.

Then once that braks apart, there’s a slow dance or something with partners, and I’m looking around, there’s one guy I see and he’s got no one, really, so I start walking over there. But Once I get to him, I see Austin standing off to the side by himself, he’s kinda signaling for me to come over, but then some girl (a Rebecca Manton like chick) grabs him instead.  He didn’t want anything to do with her, so I look at the guy I was gonna go with and we get Manton over to him and then I’m hanging out with Austin.  We’re dancing, and then at some point I have him pinned to the ground, my foofy dress all over him, and I look up to see Kiernan coming out of the bathroom. I call his name, and he looks over, only to see me on top of Austin. Awkward. I’m like, “It’s not what it looks like,” and I get up off him and walk over to him.

We start talking again; I’m straightforward with him and ask, “Why are you going to be in Erie a week before Rookie and Crash? Why aren’t you playing with them?” He pretty much told me that they were becoming corporate sell outs 🙁 He’d know better than I would, but I didn’t want to hear it. We keep talking and he’s eating some chips, whatever.  I had 2 questions I wanted to ask, but this one might have happened before he went to the bathroom, actually. I asked if he’s gonna have new material at the next show. He apologized and said he wasn’t going to, but I didn’t mind. I told him that I just wanted to know because at least I’ll be familiar with his stuff, unlike than when I went to see LFO.  He laughed when I told him that I probably know more of his stuff than LFO.  The scene changed to my basement at some point. He’s sitting in the giant massage chair and I’m on the floor. He’s got some pack of mints that he was eating.  Then we heard people upstairs. My mom’s guests hadn’t left yet (even at 4am) but then she calls me up. I had to walk the dog.

I walk her but she drags me all around town. By the time I get back, Kiernan is gone, and all that’s left is an empty Marlboro Menthol box and the box of mints on the chair.  My brother said he had to get going and so he gave him a ride. I wanted to be there to say goodbye, but I guess that didn’t work.

I kinda almost wish Kiernan would hang out with me. I wanna be friends 😛 I can’t imagine him smoking though. But I don’t know if he does- a lot of people do, surprisingly.

General, Summer

Life After

I’ve been pseudo productive the past few days.  I’m feeling pretty reflective at the moment.  I haven’t really been sleeping well…or at all, sort of. Reminds me of the first few weeks I spent in this house. I hope I don’t have to have an adjustment period each time I am here. I miss my dreams, and I really miss the rested feeling.

First off, I moved back down to Philadelphia for this week. Yes, for the week. Kelsey is on her week cruise and so she’s out of the house; Janine asked if I would stay so she would not be alone in the house. Not having any prior engagements being location based, I agreed. Kaitlyn was originally planning on coming down as a part of her road trip to NC, but that fell through 🙁 I came down Monday before noon and have been here since. While Janine was at class, I cleaned the entirety of the kitchen and bathroom (besides the toilet…we didn’t have a brush for that).  We also went to the gym somewhere after 4:30.  Did some cardio and lifting; when 6 came around, I was persuaded to participate in the Butts and Guts class. Worst decision ever. Haha. Ok. It’s just been a while since I’ve had a serious work out like that.  I feel so incapacitated. Each sneeze, cough or belch is a heart attack of pain. I love the burn, but this is terrible.

Tuesday, I was supposed to meet up with Jennifer at LOVE PARK but then with my car, there was not a good outlook on free parking. Sorry, baby. I ended up going to Fairmount Park instead. I’ve never been there before, so it was an adventure. I put on my Opening Acts playlist (Rookie, Go Crash and Kiernan) and walked around for about 2.5 hours. Looking at the map now, I covered a minimal amount of park in that time u_u;; I did take a good chunk of pictures though. CLICK! That was pretty much Tuesday. Today (I can’t believe it’s Wednesday already) I didn’t do much. Or at least I stayed indoors. I have the biggest trouble moving around (Ron hosts a mean class). I’s more of transitioning from sitting to standing or vice versa. I watched a small chunk of Daria (I adore her.), did my nails (toes and hands), wrote a note to Dave.

D. I haven’t had any contact with him in about a week? The last time was a mere span of about 5-txts each.  Well I wrote a little note on this little sheet about 3″x2″. haha. It’s short and to the point, and that’s sending tomorrow, and maybe I’ll hear from him.  It’s times like this that I wonder if things would be different if I had a Myspace or Facebook, especially.

It’s been a good 6 months since I’ve dropped Facebook, at least.  Life without it. It’s a very different thing. I had a problem, constantly checking it, just hoping for something new. Nothing ever happened, and just now, I found some people I can kinda relate to: Kids’ Mom.  Through all the friends I had on there, there’s only the few I can count on one hand that I keep in touch with? There were PILES of my friends that asked me, “Jeanne, since when were you not on facebook?” MONTHS after it happens. Even after we had group discussions on it! Honestly, a piece of me died (I guess I didn’t matter that much) but I’m over it. I’m secure enough to know who I’ve got when I need them most <3 Ok. So I’m out of the loop, and that’s probably the hardest challenge. I wasn’t technically invited to Steve’s Barbecue, or know of other events. Luckily, my friends are amazing and have started relaying messages to me that I need to know. All I miss out on are the pictures that everyone else posts and the latest on who is or isn’t dating who.  It’s so weird to see how powerful those sites have become. Is it really hurting me by not having it? Probably to an extent- yes.

Each day, I’m one step closer to falling back into the routine of the internet. I used to think I was the internet. I was everywhere; I did everything. Thinking about it, I think I was the one who broke up with him. Always room for reconciliation, but it’s just a matter of when. I’ll admit, Dave is probably the one reason that I would break my plans of my comeback (I promise, it’s a great plan.)  Assuming those plans don’t fall through, it’s gonna be grand, since none of my local friends know about it. Hm…I think about 6 people know, actually. I’m still waiting for a response on that though…*high hopes* But fuck it, I might just come back if that falls.

Since Kaitlyn isn’t coming down anymore, I think I’m heading back tomorrow sometime. I might hit up another part of Fairmount Park before going back. I haven’t decided yet.  Maybe the Art Museum while I’m there too ^^ I’m such a tourist for actually living here; always taking pictures and never actually seeing the places people come to sight see. Haha.

SHIT! How could I forget! Why do I ramble so much? 2 topics left. 1. Comments. 2. PHONE <3. You know me. First off, about comments. Remember when it was a huge deal to have comments? When we were all raking in double digits of legit, spam-free comments? Oh the days! Ksusha, Evan (Brandi), Krystina, Myun, Kokoro, Mitsu, Hoshi…HIKARU! Damn. Back then, I really was the internet. Ps. I miss Hikaru soooo much still. I wish she’d come back. Anyway. Comments. Now a days, I write, 0 comments, but it’s ok. I write for me- to help me organize some thoughts and get them out. It’s not about seeking approval, trying to uber impress someone or anything. Sure, it’d be nice to get some input like I used to here or there. The input from neutral parties I trust that I can’t even bring up to the closest of my IRL friends (that’s almost sad 🙁 ) but whatever.

Phone. October 9th, 2009. My calendar is marked. Sony Ericsson gave me another technogasm. Satio. I will molest the hell out of him. Jenn knows…I licked lemony JB at Chipotle 😛 My vice, I know. But that’s a quirk you either accept or not.

I never uploaded pics either. I might do that now until I decide to get to bed. I’ll be sure to share 🙂 PCE