I’m sitting here in my house in Philly. I’ve been feeling so alone and just freaking depressed lately. I know its not really a good thing, but there’s a lot going on right now. Not to be super dumpy, but sometimes it seems like the world is coming to an end.

I have no plans. I have no people. I’m sort of trying to spend some of my time out here to think, and get some of my own things done.  I have a few distractions that I need to work on.

Dave. He makes me stupid. He’s legit one of the best things to happen to me, but I realize, he deserves better. We met on OKC, and when he went off to school, he turned it off.  I got one of my emails about the people in my quiver the other day, and for fun, I decided to type in his username. Active. He’s definitely back. He’s also chatting up some new girls. That’s great- both sarcastically and legitimately.  We’re all looking for that someone, but I just wanted that someone to be him. I’ve always had the feeling that he wasn’t on the same page- and this sort of confirms it for me.

This makes no statement about friendship- not at all. He’s absolutely wonderful. I’m just getting the feeling that it’s time to move on (maybe should have seen it a while ago; maybe I shouldn’t get so attached).  He’s looking for something else…I wish him the best.

There are various other things that are happening that just have me so overwhelmed right now.  I accept full responsibility, but I wish things could be different. Things are changing and I need to grow up.

Lenny will be down this evening. I have a movie date with Kelsey later (she’s studying for her summer class); this is a process for getting back to life. I’ve disconnected.

It’s not that I keep hanging on- I’m never letting go