I got up a little before 11am this morning, feeling absolutely torn. It was the worst dream about Dave ever.

I had sent him an email yesterday about Christmas. In the dream, I finally got a response which said that he’s like that (if I sent it out there) which was not a problem. I read it wrong the first time, so a little while later, I went back to make sure I had it right and he had sent another reply in addition to what he originally sent. It was like a moment in Google Wave where it came up as he typed. He said he had something to tell me and I might not like it.

He said he was seeing somebody.

In the sense that I could creep on facebook since I don’t have a facebook, he sent me 2 links to her profile and I think his own (with the status). They met at a party. I was looking through a few pictures and found out she went to my high school. I was actually IN one of the pictures in the album. The name was a little foreign (like, not a standard white girl name) but she was okay, I guess.

He said he didn’t mean for it to happen. He also said that when he was making the decision [ between us ], for me, it came down to one conversation that we had. I asked if that one conversation affected it in a good or bad way, and all he said to me was, “8,” like a scale ranking- without a key to define values. I should have asked for him to specify the conversation too (and I was even thinking that in the dream)

I remember thinking to myself, does this mean I can start looking at other boys? But the real question is- do I want to? The thought of Jim and Sean (others maybe) flashed before my eyes. Dave and I weren’t an item, but I felt that if we both were into each other, it would be proper to not really be looking elsewhere (or at least acting upon it).

I went upstairs, almost crying. Someone was on the rocker- almost seemed like my dad- and the thoughts that he could have been the one washed over. I wasn’t sure what to do. No, we were not official, but I felt something. He really could have been the one- but that hope just broke.

Maybe this is a sign saying I shouldn’t be getting too involved in something that is in such a grey zone. I really like this boy, I really do.

Later I was in the car with my Dan and his friends. I thought I saw my cousin Brian drive by in the turning lane and Dan said he was going the wrong way anyway so he changed lanes. We were out at a restaurant/bar place with some people and the table next to us had Austin, Dave Messa, Ryan Lynch and another guy. There was a birthday girl and she won a kiss from Ryan Lynch. Soon it was me and my mom sitting at our booth with some events going on inside and a weird lady taking pictures with a 90s camera.

Then I was with my mom at some outdoor Nutcracker event. I thought if I had magic, I could make the show spectacular with lights and all this crazy stuff- but I don’t.

I found myself in a new job environment with a really crazy bitch of a supervisor. There were a handful of rules (No undergarments showing, but that included socks). My HIV test didn’t come back yet, but I was already tested. She asked if I would do it again and I agreed. She wanted to know if I had a spare set of clothes, but I didn’t. Not sure why I need to be naked though. It was like Lenny, but not, sitting there (because he had been through this already). Big boss man walked by and super asked what should happen. He said he wanted me in a gown and just to take the test. Lenny said if that was happening, he’d just wait back at the house.