Every time I’m laying in bed and can’t sleep, I clean out my phone. That also means I pass D things, and then I like to reminisce and melt. Yep. That just happened.

Every word strikes a chord (if you will) with me. I was thinking of FM just now and their song “Fighting For Air”. I don’t need you in heels but I need you head over. Just the reverse of that.

I looked up infatuation the other week. I asked Rob if that necessarily had a negative connotation to which he said no. I’m trying to get a grasp on what I’m feeling because it feels like its getting out of control (not literally out of control- its still in check- but just wild). So…infatuated. enamored?

We’re close, but not THAT close. I know where I stand should status change. It’s this middle grey zone that is toying with me (and my emotions). I know, I know we’ve had the talk. I know he’s busy. Sometimes I just wonder what if things were different, that’s all. I’m always…maybe not always, but I’m pushing things from time to time. Suggesting plans. Odds are 1 in 15638747382749, but I want to try. After all, it was that random suggestion that got me Core Creek 🙂 Butter sauce. I’d say just give me one more day but that’d be lying. I want more. I’d take eternity of he’d let me….I’d take 5 minutes if he had it.

I’m pretty sure if he read this shit we wouldn’t be friends. I’m nucking futs. But I’ve done well limiting my contact. I’d love to have daily contact; I could easily be a stage 5 clinger if I didn’t moderate myself- I could cling in my sleep. But no. I watch how much there is and back off when I get too far in. He needs his space.

This is exactly how I see him. Gumming up the works. I know he gums up my works; I can’t forcefully gum up his.

Try not to think less of me because of this…