General

Ni Hao

The topic of race has been coming up a lot recently. Clarification, I’m not Chinese.

I’d like to say that although I may crack the occasional frequent race joke, I’m not serious about it. I’m sorry if it offends, but at the end of the day its a joke. There is a reason why stereotypes exist. Its just silly to notice them.

It’s a good thing when you can laugh at yourself. I will admit to fitting 95% of Asian stereotypes…given, I have a better driving record (I signal), I’m still pretty asian- and proud of that.

This also brings up the pride thing, similar to religion. I’m asian, but I don’t skunk you. None of this extreme black power, white supremacy, Latino heat- I’m Asian but you don’t have to drink me up. I’m not pushing asian pride all over the place. Yes, being asian explains a lot of what, why and how I do things, but it’s not being shoved down your throat. We all know I’m yellow- I don’t need yo state it.

That all being said, I think I go about it in an alright manner. Some people take it too seriously or just go overboard. Relax. We’re all people.

Health

Calme

I’m just looking for a minute. A minute where my mind is at rest. A minute when I’m not analyzing something, picking something apart, trying to re-do the moment in my mind. I want just a minute where I’m not agonizing over ever last detail. A moment when my emotions aren’t brought over the edge. A time I don’t have to actually think. I want to stop running.

I’m exhausted, and I can’t make it stop.

General

The L

Every time I’m laying in bed and can’t sleep, I clean out my phone. That also means I pass D things, and then I like to reminisce and melt. Yep. That just happened.

Every word strikes a chord (if you will) with me. I was thinking of FM just now and their song “Fighting For Air”. I don’t need you in heels but I need you head over. Just the reverse of that.

I looked up infatuation the other week. I asked Rob if that necessarily had a negative connotation to which he said no. I’m trying to get a grasp on what I’m feeling because it feels like its getting out of control (not literally out of control- its still in check- but just wild). So…infatuated. enamored?

We’re close, but not THAT close. I know where I stand should status change. It’s this middle grey zone that is toying with me (and my emotions). I know, I know we’ve had the talk. I know he’s busy. Sometimes I just wonder what if things were different, that’s all. I’m always…maybe not always, but I’m pushing things from time to time. Suggesting plans. Odds are 1 in 15638747382749, but I want to try. After all, it was that random suggestion that got me Core Creek 🙂 Butter sauce. I’d say just give me one more day but that’d be lying. I want more. I’d take eternity of he’d let me….I’d take 5 minutes if he had it.

I’m pretty sure if he read this shit we wouldn’t be friends. I’m nucking futs. But I’ve done well limiting my contact. I’d love to have daily contact; I could easily be a stage 5 clinger if I didn’t moderate myself- I could cling in my sleep. But no. I watch how much there is and back off when I get too far in. He needs his space.

This is exactly how I see him. Gumming up the works. I know he gums up my works; I can’t forcefully gum up his.

Try not to think less of me because of this…

Dreams

Family

I was at what appeared to be my graduation. One of my mom’s closer friends brought her family (it’s a family of boys) and the one is absolutely beautiful. I was walking around for a bit and I passed them sitting in the car but didn’t say anything. Later I was in this donut shot with Joanne when they came in. I acted so surprised to see them. At this point, pretty boy was Phil Wong. Crazy. He brought his friend, who may have been Jimmy, I cant remember but I know that he was super attractive. I pretended not to care. I didn’t tell Joanne they were there.

We were trying to get cinnamon pretzels from this Auntie Anne joint. So I kept getting distracted from the guys. Eventually we all sat down on this couch. I was sitting next to Phil and making conversation. But then he turned into my cousin, and was getting weirded out because he thought I was hitting on him (he’s my cousin. gross.) I asked, so you’re 27 now, right? That broke it. So whatever. I got out of there.

Then he started snuggling up to Joanne, now being a mix of my cousin and Phil. We all hopped into the guys’ van (I saw Kev Jumba and some other people) and went off. As Joanne was being cute with Phil, I was being dragged over by the guys in the back to hold hands and things like that. As we were going, I wasn’t sure if it was ok to leave our stuff in our car. I missed some photo ops because my camera was in with the rest of my stuff. We got to this lake thing and it was beautiful. Joanne said I could have her camera to shoot with since I didn’t have mine. I got into the water, up to my neck, to take pictures. Phil was surprised. But as long as the camera doesn’t get wet!

Then we were walking down this busy street. Found this almost haunted abandoned house and went in. We wandered and went to the basement. Started listening to this programmed tour. I thought the one part ended and was gonna leave. It went on, but I left anyway. Someone was browsing the upstairs and I’m just seeing who is all in the house. I walk out to the front porch. I’m sitting on a bench waiting when Cassie McC comes up the long hike of stairs getting to the house. I hug her for a long time because I really missed her and was almost in a distraught state. We talked and Allie came up. She had a cute fake coach bag like my little real one. I offered to trade her since mine was cheap and I liked the look of hers. The two were looking for Melanie and I said if I ran into her I’d let her know.

Then I was at a house more or less alone. It was dark and raining out. I remember needing to get back and I was finally able to go, but then I forgot my camera so I went back in to get it. I can’t remember much on this part, but there were some other people involved.

Home, Summer

Feathers

Yes, I know its an increasing trend. I may or may not be on the bandwagon, but I like them. Its not to say I’ve never liked them until now, but its so easy to come by so why not?

mallard

image

image

Ps. Did I mention I love ducks? Mallard earrings and feathers all acquired from etsy 🙂

Pps. I have since added a black iridescent rooster feather, but I do not have a picture. Woo. I can’t even find it when my hair is wet.