I’m laying here in bed. You came up in conversation earlier. I can’t help but say, I miss you.
Author: jeanneji
Blissful Lows
More meaningless phone updates? Yes. I was at CVS earlier picking up a script and you know me and blood pressure cuffs; I cannot resist.
I have this thing (not quite an obsession) with having low blood pressure. Wait, maybe I just have a fear of high blood pressure. Is there a term for that? Anyway…I know my BP had a frightening dip on Monday, but as of earlier today this was me 🙂
Breathe
Through everything. I keep thinking this could be it. I can’t hold it in; I keep thinking, mouthing, muttering it. I can’t speak for you, but let me say this.
I love you.
Lucid
I did it. I came to the realization today that I had my first lucid dream. By lucid dream, I mean that I was aware of my dream-state and began controlling it. I recall telling myself that because I was dreaming, I could do anything I wanted. I chose to fly.
It was weird only because I started to feel like a witch or something because what I was doing was so un-natural. What it also seemed like was that it was a dream within a dream, and I dreamt that I was having a lucid dream. Either way, I experienced ear pressure with altitude change, and air drag. Damn. Of the things to remain realistic.
The overall dream was pretty weird though. Dave was there for an intense portion (where I was driving and such.) But there were other portions when I could feel my body waking up and being pulled out of my dream in sine-wave fashion. I can’t really describe it at this point since the memory is fleeting now.
I have my last week of training next week, and then I am officially complete. I have a week or so off then I am out to California for a few days. No way. There’s a lot going on, sort of. I’m trying to get a lot done. I also would like to new domain name; I also have to see how easy it is to switch everything over (ugh).
Surprise
So yesterday after work, I was able to have Amy help me with a Craigslist item. I am now the proud owner of a LoveSac Supersac. Be jealous- it’s bigger than your small car.
I’ve been working a wonky full time schedule lately. Ups and downs, but bearing it. I was up in NYC but didn’t get to meet up with Adrian due to location and our circumstances; I’m working on going back up some time so we can hang for real. I haven’t seen him in over a year! Last time was actually back in London. Wow.
On a second note, I have not heard back from Matt which I’m really bummed about. We used to be pretty close and he said he’d let me know when he was back and nothing yet. He’s working too, but who knows.
On the up hand. Despite the stupid drama I made for myself at home, I had the best moment at work. I had sent Dave an email about something I found a little bit ago, and we haven’t spoken in just over 2 weeks (new record on top of breaking our 4 month trend this month). I know he’s crazy busy doing boards and such so I try not to bother him. At lunch I checked my email. Dave. He replied to what I had sent and then added at the end,
Miss you
Ok, so I know that doesn’t seem like much. Two words, and it’s not even like it’s the first time saying I love you or anything, but for me (us), this is huge. For the type of relationship we have, I see him 3 times a year (if I’m lucky, 4) and we “talk” (which is more either one email and reply or a literal couple of texts) every 2 weeks. That’s not a whole lot, but to miss something there- that’s monumental. Plus, for the first time in my life, I feel special.
But those are the key words here. He added a line after which would translate as “I hope you’re doing well” to any other couple, but you know how we nerds love to play with words. I thought it was particularly cute. I’d post the whole email here but I kind of want to keep it to myself right now. I could not stop smiling at lunch though, and I keep smiling now as I think about it. The weirdest thing though, as I’m laying here in bed writing this, I can smell his cologne.
I can’t decide if I’m supposed to be a trooper and wait out until June when he comes back or see if a visit is welcome when I’m out in Pitt. Not sure which is more endearing since I know he has things to do- but I can’t tell if
At the end of the day, I am the happiest girl in the world.