I got up a little before 11am this morning, feeling absolutely torn. It was the worst dream about Dave ever.

I had sent him an email yesterday about Christmas. In the dream, I finally got a response which said that he’s like that (if I sent it out there) which was not a problem. I read it wrong the first time, so a little while later, I went back to make sure I had it right and he had sent another reply in addition to what he originally sent. It was like a moment in Google Wave where it came up as he typed. He said he had something to tell me and I might not like it.

He said he was seeing somebody.

In the sense that I could creep on facebook since I don’t have a facebook, he sent me 2 links to her profile and I think his own (with the status). They met at a party. I was looking through a few pictures and found out she went to my high school. I was actually IN one of the pictures in the album. The name was a little foreign (like, not a standard white girl name) but she was okay, I guess.

He said he didn’t mean for it to happen. He also said that when he was making the decision [ between us ], for me, it came down to one conversation that we had. I asked if that one conversation affected it in a good or bad way, and all he said to me was, “8,” like a scale ranking- without a key to define values. I should have asked for him to specify the conversation too (and I was even thinking that in the dream)

I remember thinking to myself, does this mean I can start looking at other boys? But the real question is- do I want to? The thought of Jim and Sean (others maybe) flashed before my eyes. Dave and I weren’t an item, but I felt that if we both were into each other, it would be proper to not really be looking elsewhere (or at least acting upon it).

I went upstairs, almost crying. Someone was on the rocker- almost seemed like my dad- and the thoughts that he could have been the one washed over. I wasn’t sure what to do. No, we were not official, but I felt something. He really could have been the one- but that hope just broke.

Maybe this is a sign saying I shouldn’t be getting too involved in something that is in such a grey zone. I really like this boy, I really do.

Later I was in the car with my Dan and his friends. I thought I saw my cousin Brian drive by in the turning lane and Dan said he was going the wrong way anyway so he changed lanes. We were out at a restaurant/bar place with some people and the table next to us had Austin, Dave Messa, Ryan Lynch and another guy. There was a birthday girl and she won a kiss from Ryan Lynch. Soon it was me and my mom sitting at our booth with some events going on inside and a weird lady taking pictures with a 90s camera.

Then I was with my mom at some outdoor Nutcracker event. I thought if I had magic, I could make the show spectacular with lights and all this crazy stuff- but I don’t.

I found myself in a new job environment with a really crazy bitch of a supervisor. There were a handful of rules (No undergarments showing, but that included socks). My HIV test didn’t come back yet, but I was already tested. She asked if I would do it again and I agreed. She wanted to know if I had a spare set of clothes, but I didn’t. Not sure why I need to be naked though. It was like Lenny, but not, sitting there (because he had been through this already). Big boss man walked by and super asked what should happen. He said he wanted me in a gown and just to take the test. Lenny said if that was happening, he’d just wait back at the house.

There are many times at school when I get so stressed and worked up that I don’t have any recollection of my dreams by the time I do start sleeping. This is why I love being at home. Free to Dream

I was running down 113 with a few people, each with our own transport (I had almost like a clear plastic skateboard and other people had their own cars.  There is construction by the light at Wambold and I swerve a little.  There’s a tree laying in the road and I see a small cut through that I attempt to go in, but I get stuck. I’m trying to break branches to get through, but the other cars just pass me since I’m not getting out. Eventually everyone passes and there’s no one left at the intersection.  I get myself out, and this guy comes up in a car, parks in the intersection, gets out and asks if I need help.  I broke my skateboard in the tree and had no way to get anywhere.  Suddenly we are in my neighborhood at home by Hopewell, and I walk over to his car.  the trunk is popped, and he’s walking towards his house. I wonder if he’s letting me have his car.  But then I call him over and ask what I’m supposed to do.

He grabs a piece of wood and breaks it into 2 pieces in the trunk. Takes a tiny piece that broke off and drives it into the larger piece and he starts a fire.  He lays it down in the trunk and walks away. I’m looking at it but then it starts to die.  I call him again, not knowing who he is, and I’m trying to figure out what’s going on. He said that I know how to take care of it and it’ll be ok.  I start blowing on it like Amanda’s dad taught me. I keep the fire going for a bit.

Next scene, I’m in the guy’s house and I’m playing with his little boy that’s running around the house.  We’re in his room, the TV is on and some interesting graphic up on the wall (almost a house drawing, but very crude with dots pointed out in certain places.  Apparently there was some kid trying to find something and open a gateway to some place and this wall had something to do with it.  We’re just hanging out, me and this 4 year old. Later, we can’t find his dad or mom. Searching the house but no signs. I finally ask the kid to check his email to see if maybe they said something.  There was a lot of junk, but towards the end, he’s reading to me that his dad and his mom found the gate and they went through.

I’m clarifying with the kid that his parents were together so it wasn’t 3 separate adventures we were hunting, but parents (1) and kid (2). The little boy told me that he highlighted some of the dots that were definitely important in this gate, but I had no idea how we were going to get this. Kinda reminds me of TRON and Beetlejuice (movie). I was thinking that I’d be epic for me and this kid to figure it out and be heroes.

The next part of my dream I was going around a mall, getting familiar with everything (Dead Rising 2)

Then I met up with a group of people, like in a class.  We were hanging out for something, but I remember being sent off in a group.  We were looking for people, and we got to this house. Adults were there and a fight broke out. Some people were already shot, and then the one guy, after helping the people, pulled out his gun and shot all the adults.  As he was leaving, he saw me standing there and I pleaded not to shoot any of us and to let us live.  He had the door slightly open, began to lower his head and his gun, but then looked at me, shot me, and walked out.  It hit me 3 fingers below midclavicle.  I was in such shock. I looked down, and there was this bullet hole. It looked clean, like the speed of the bullet entered, but my skin around it was elastic enough to kind of close off the wound so it wasn’t open.  I found a mirror to look at my back and see if the bullet came out.  There was a mark where my skin was tearing, but the bullet was still there, almost out.  I go over to the girl sitting on the floor and she’s like, “Oh my G, are you ok?!” She was almost hysterical. I look back down, and I told her that it wasn’t that bad/I thought it was a lot worse.  She had a stray bullet hit her leg, but it was through and through.  I ended up having 3 bullets total. One in my right bicep that did not go through and another that was on my left side, but I don’t remember where. I just know it was through and through.

Might add more later- those were big points of the night.

skimming ideas from the dream. must study for test. pretty up the post later.

in the car with daniel. talking, eating pizza. then all of a sudden i notice him stop. and it took me a minute to realize we were at the mall or walmart. he was dropping me off, like for school. i get out, but realize its past closing, and i catch him before he drives off saying- if he’s going t be on his way back tomorrow anyway and its closed now, i cant do anything here but wait overnight so i might as well sleep at home and go with him tomorrow. so i get back in the car with my things.

hanging with some kids, austin and i want to venture to this one place.

grocery store with amanda. ice cream. she’s in the freezer, asking her where we are going to go. finding more flavors.

firehouse. ask steve for favor. pulling the screen down. waiting for them to return from a call.

austin invites to join in group thing. turns into teams. them vs. firehouse. i take steve’s side. other team had giant bags that they would ambush and capture the firehouse with. i needed to inform them. went to get cellphone (htc) tell steve.

hanging out with dan balan. on the way to the firehouse. jumping from giant gymnast mats. pizza carrier (from video), asked if original. said doesn’t know. but it’s a real pizza delivery thing. then these super sexy triplets come to join us. i wanted to climb up the giant mat,but the pizza box in the way. some of the girls slip, and its all fun and games.

gilly is one part of the opposing team. i wander out to get a head start away from everyone. end up in a mall gift shop place. after a while, souderton kids finally make it out there and i get tagged. head back.

memory flash back of a time when steve was sitting at a park table. this was on film.  he was describing how there were 70 diff kinds of chocolate bunnies. and being a viewer to the movie and knowing what happens next, ask about the rivers. and there’s some mini stream flowing down. he says in that part of the ganges river along, there are over 75 [streams] running into it. he used some fancy word, and then looked at tom and said- hear that- key word for today.

then in basement of a house. start playing old school songs, some amanda knows, but jenn doesnt. and it’s great reminiscing.

back on the big mats, harley and steve are there. when harley shows up, he has this facial hair. like < > marks where the mustache is, and this goatee. i compliment him on it, and was like- i like what you have going on there…that, chin thing (because I didnt want to say goatee, since it seemed like the wrong word). he laughed and gave me this oh, you’re cute when you dont know, sort of hug. and that hug woke me up.

We were in this building hanging out. Amanda, Jenn, Georgeanne were there.

I remember getting a skype call from Dave, but he couldn’t connect to me- but I could see his video feed fine.  He was showing me things from around his apartment, and I was walking around chatting with him.  At a later point, it became a cell phone and we were just chatting along the way.

Being that I had Dave on the phone, I wanted anything to tell him, just because were talking.  I told him to guess what appened in lab, and then said that we broke a mercury thermometer. How fun.  But I told it as my mother was the one who did it, and he asked why she was in lab.  then my memory was funny because I couldn’t tell a dream from reality any more.  Why would my mother be in lab.

Either way, we kept chatting. I started climbing this mountain, and it was all covered in snow.  There was a game board to play that related to a Mario game.  You needed to get from point A to point B on the map. but each step was a new level that you needed to complete the same idea of going from point A to B.  The other side of the map was rainbow road.  It appeared as though it was like Labyrinth, with the rolling ball, but then at the one round, I dropped the game (which became like a game boy hand held device) into the snow.  I dug it out to try and finish.

I had to shoot the ball down and have it land as close to the edge without falling in.  I fell in the first time, the second time was closer, then the third time, I hit it so hard it bounced back and came forward again, but at a slower rate, and it went on for a bit so I really thought I might have it this time, but it still fell in.

Then we were leaving notes for teachers in the side of the mountain. I climbed up a little to write a message in the snow for a Mr. DiMartino character, then slid down because it was already started a little lower.

It was almost time to go, so I went to find my mom because she was my ride. We got a new car that was green, and she said that she’d give everyone a rie home, just meet her out there.  All the while, I was hoping for Dave to hear me speak asian with my mother.  I went back in and couldn’t find Amanda.  The other girls were all huddled together for a picture, then I realize Amanda was on the ground with the camera.  She took the picture and I mentioned that we should get going.  We’re slowly making our way out, and some of the things I intentionally try to let Dave hear me say, just because I’m still trying to make a good impression and appear cool.

I found my brother and we all headed out.  We crossed the street in my neighborhood to where my mom was, but she was gone.  Some cars started zipping by, and the one actually hit the other one because we were in the way.  Little asian woman got out and yelling at the guy in the big truck- even though I think it was her fault.  We’re walking back to the house and I tell Dave that we just saw a car accident right in front of us (neglecting to mention that it may have been our fault), and he thought it was pretty awesome.

Later, my mom shows up and I ask her what happened.  She said that one of the guys from church asked her if she was willing to risk damaging the new car bringing all these people home, so she went back to switch vehicles.  I thought she could have waited and even took us back to our house with the car, just so we weren’t waiting there not knowing where she went- but whatever.