In a medical abbreviation, FFS in one case stood for “fell from sky.” I have this fear of falling, both physically and emotionally.

I am only going into my third week of just knowing Chris, but I have this fear that I am beginning to fall.  Going into this, it was established that there were to be no strings attached. He said he was not particularly looking for anything, but at the same time, if something came up (in general, not our situation specifically), then so be it. What happens when I can’t hold up my end of the deal?

I’ve been there every weekend so far (3 at this point), and we have a good time talking about everything while watching some TV or a movie. Personally, I have a tendency to fall easily only because the qualities I value most in a guy seem to be satisfied very easily, and thus my needs are met. It’s the little things in life that I enjoy, simple and plenty of them. We have a lot in common as is, but the more I get to know him, the more there is about him. Just sitting there today, “there is never spicy enough.” He’s kind of a nerd to top things off.

I do appreciate the type of “friendship” we have; it’s a pretty simple, yet understanding one. He’ll freely bring up tidbits about his mother, sister or friends.  There’s almost a trust in that for opening any sort of information when we just met.

I know I shouldn’t get attached, but what happens if I do? I was a bit upset over something related, but problem is that it shouldn’t matter. I talked to Dave a little bit, just to try and fill a void, but that was short lived (not a bad conversation, just short)…That’s another huge mess I started too : Why do I care so much? For being just friends, I get a little too excited at his messages. He’s more than a gentleman; there’s something about what he says, the way he talks- the way we talk, joke, just fits. Example. Something came up in conversation in a joking light, and I noted how I personally would not appreciate something like that. But then in a serious like, he says, “I respect that…and if [you’re] not cool [with it], I wouldn’t do [that] to you!" I can hear him say that last part, and something about it is just so genuine honest (I used the word with James).  Idk.

I just went through my SMS-Backup, situating the XML file to make it readable etc. and read through some old Dave conversations. There’s a lot of stuff I forgot about, and a handful of “unfinished business”… I could fall for him all over again. But after everything, I’d hold out for him. He’s the one I’d say yes to any day.  As much as I shouldn’t like Chris, I am still crazy about Dave…L word crazy : Even if I try and deny it.

You try to move on, but there’s always something that brings you back.  I foresee myself getting into some trouble here…