Tonight has been definitely interesting.  Well first off, I picked up a job with my mom, working 10 hours a day. Not a big deal; it’s tiring, but it pays.  Tonight is the Pretty Little Liars new episode.  Amanda missed it so she and I were gonna chat and watch it together 🙂

I decided to watch it at Jenn’s, and every time I drive there, I’m always thinking- I wonder if I’ll see James. He lives there ish too. I log on, watch the show. First IM goes to Amanda pre-sir. BAM. IM from James. 1 Minute later (literal minute), Dave IMs me. [ 20 minutes later is Dwy, but thats not huge ].  Wow. Of all the things, all the nights.  I got the usual from James, but it was a little more honest in the sense that he really just wanted a quickie.

I haven’t talked to Dave in nearly a month.  Since the incident, I tried to detach myself from him and not get so bummed out.  I know that I was way into it before, but I didn’t want it to keep hurting.  But every time I think I’m doing ok, just before the 2 week mark, he sends me some message/picture out of nowhere.  Nothing is really said. Then the same thing happens again.  That again was last night.  Today though, I kept trying to chat during work and he’s busy too, so it was a few texts over the entire day (up until he signed on).

We chatted. It was crazy though. Like, brief, but it was still something.  I went to the diner with the kids after the show and I was texting him.  He’s still a sweetheart.  Example: there was a coffee spill incident. I asked him if he fixes burns. His reply? With Kisses. C’mon.  I pulled a Family Guy line and said, “I should be there, not here” and he said, “Agreed.”  Dude. I would have.

I know he’s still on OKC. I have to deal. But I also want to think he’s too busy to be starting anything.  I told him that getting the pics out of nowhere feels like I’m not the intended recipient.  He said it was intentional.  Maybe there’s still something there.  I had this shpiel thought out, but I couldn’t even bring it up tonight.  We did establish that I’ve seen him more when he’s 6 hours away vs. when he’s about 25 miles. That’s not logical, but maybe we’re just busy people now.  When I was at work, I asked him if I’d ever get to see him, and I think I fell again when he said, “I’m trying.”

I believe.

I don’t know where I’m going. Maybe I should take my own words: Be true to yourself and things will fall into place.  I only know so much, and I think I need to take that chance, because hurt is inevitable, might as well make it worthwhile.