Category: General

General, Travel

Bluefield

Posted on by jeanneji

I am currently sitting in a starbucks outside of Princeton, WV. Matt had his interview today at Bluefield Regional Medical Center (BRMC) and this is the nearest starbucks. We’re killing time until the resident dinner tonight; we had to check out of our hotel and this is free internet Smile with tongue out

This place is quite something. First of all, it’s an 8 hour drive into the middle of nowhere. It’s tucked away on the border of Virginia and West Virginia in the mountains. Beautiful. There are trees for miles and it’s fall so the colors are just stunning. Pictures to come.

When I first got here, I was kind of nervous. If Matt ends up here, I wasn’t sure I could be happy here because it’s so different from what I am used to. It’s very rural. There isn’t a lot going on. More nature than people. I got a chance to drive around today and there are little things to comfort me while I am here. I know for a fact that I will miss home (Oh, how I have taken KOP for granted), but this doesn’t have to be a terrible thing. There is plenty of land for Joey.

Just in driving to walmart here we cross the border into Virginia about 5 times. It’s so close to the border. I used to think there wasn’t much to do at home, but this is so much less. But even here, there are the same people from home. The lazy large people on motorized scooters, big girls who wear too little, ghetto ricers- they’re all here.

It’s growing on me. It really is. I just know it will be a huge change from what I am used to.

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General, Travel

Stormy

Posted on by jeanneji

Holy Hell this watch is beautiful. I just came across a limited series of Star Wars watches from Seiko. This one just happens to be going for $1600 🙁 It’s mighty beautiful though.

Side note, I’m going down to the city tomorrow to visit Lenny. Joey is coming along, of course. It’s been a while since I’ve seen anyone. I’m just hoping to stop by Matt’s apt. to pick up a few things too. Maybe reminisce about the days when it was just us in there. His family is great, but I miss our alone time. I know he doesn’t see his family much, but it’s just been work and Guildwars 2. It’s one of those situations going from constant to nothing. I miss the attention. I’d like to think that I’d be better if it wasn’t such a drastic change so quick.

On the up side, he has two interviews so far! One of them is in West Virginia and the other is CALIFORNIA. We all know that I prefer California to the middle of nowhere, but we’ll take what we can get. It would just be a win for me if that’s where he chose to end up. We’ll see though. I will probably end up going with him down to WV for that interview, but it’s too costly right now to tag along to the west coast. I’m not concerned about the interviews because he’s great with them. Getting the interview was the difficult portion- he’s so charismatic and knowledgeable.

I rearranged my room, finally. It’s still somewhat cluttered, but it’s a lot cleaner than it was. I finally pulled my speakers out of the box- they’re banging. I still need to finish up some things but it is definite progress 🙂

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General

Last Day

Posted on by jeanneji

This is part 2 of my last day here. I was only here a few days but it’s always so sad to leave. I have to go home for work this weekend but I can’t come back up after another weekend. I would have preferred to be here the next weekend when I didn’t have to leave on a Friday night, but I wanted to be here now.

This is starting to get difficult. I really feel so close to him, but I just can’t say it yet. The classic girl in me wants it to be perfect. Just right. I hate being this way.

I was chatting with Dave for a bit the other day. It came out how I have been depressed. He’s really supportive and says wonderful things about me. It’s interesting when he says he has dreams about me, but he’s got his girlfriend. Why am I so special. There’s a part of me, maybe I don’t feel exactly like I used to about him, but there’s still history there. He’s still a great guy. I’ve been watching How I Met Your Mother and there’s advice against having your ex at the wedding. I’ve been thinking that I might want to have Dave at my wedding. I know that could be bad, but I want to think we are great friends that are past this. I’m sure it would probably be on me anyway.

I wish I knew where I was going in life.

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General

The Words

Posted on by jeanneji

So I’m back up at Matt’s. After working the weekend and Monday for Kim. I know I haven’t been working much, but I’m just so unhappy there. I don’t want to do anything.

So I’m sitting in the living room watching How I Met Your Mother. I started from the beginning and I’m catching up. There’s a lot of really cute moments in here and it almost makes me sad. I know I have Matt and he’s absolutely wonderful. I can’t even begin to describe how amazing he is to me. When I was talking with Aliece, I described to her what I always dreamed of in a guy. I always said it was so unrealistic. I told her I wanted someone who loved me and believed in me even when I did not think so. Someone who things I’m beautiful when I feel fat; someone who wants to be there for me and believes in me.

Matt is all of those things and I still cannot believe it is all real. The only thing is I hate talking about him to Amanda because she doesn’t have this. I don’t want to seem like I’m rubbing it in her face or putting her down. It’s a tough battle. I always think of other people. I wonder if they ever thought about me like that. Since I have always been that friend who never had anyone. They’ve all been in relationships at one point or another. This is my first one and it’s a big one.

We’ve talked about marriage and kids and family. The more I just sit here watching this show, or just being at home by myself after all the time we’ve had together- I miss him. I want him. I haven’t gotten the courage to drop the L word yet, but the more I think about it the harder it is. At first it wasn’t so bad because I wasn’t set on the feeling yet. But now it hits me and I don’t know what to do. I keep overthinking it.

I don’t know what I’m doing with myself anymore. The man of my dreams is here. He loves me, and I’m pretty sure I love him. There, I said it.

I just remembered a part of my dream. I had a dream Matt checked his residency applications online and all but 3 rejected him (the last few just haven’t gotten back to him yet). That’s horrible. He’s such an amazing person and knows so much about medicine- he’s just not a good test taker. I wish I could do more to help him. It’s not fait to him and the things he wants to do. He’s amazing…and he’s mine Smile

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General

The L Word

Posted on by jeanneji

Ok. I haven’t kept up with the entries, but I’ve been pretty good with my routine. I have been more tired and sleeping in more with Matt, but I am still exercising. Ugh. I can’t believe I’m actually exercising. I’ve been playing with Kenobi a lot lately. I went for a bike ride and even left Eagle Rock.

The big thing about this post is that I think it happened last night. I was laying with Matt in bed before bed and he got up to take a shower. But in the moment that he was standing there drinking his bottle of water, I felt something. I think it’s that attachment. I know he’s been thinking I would slip up and say the L word since 5 months ago, but I honestly never “felt” the L word until last night. I wanted to be sure, and I wanted to know. It was easier for him since the feeling struck early on. I just had a fear that I would never feel that way. I know he’s amazing and I care about him a lot, but I needed that feeling before I could/would say it.

Just now I was texting him after the elliptical and there was that missing feeling inside. He’s not just someone. Kelsey texted me the other day and she asked how we were. She said it seemed like we were getting really serious. I didn’t really get that since she doesn’t know much about our relationship, but I’d say we’re serious.

One of my biggest fears was that I still had feelings for Dave, and I might always kind of wonder what that would have been, but we’re just really good friends now, I’d say. He’s happy so I should be happy for him. I have Matt now so I shouldn’t have these thoughts or feelings, but I still do to an extent- not that I would leave him, it’s just something I still think about. I just hate having experiences that involve Dave because I feel like you shouldn’t bring up another boy like that just because of the history.

This is my last night here until I have to go home to work. It’s been nice not doing anything and just kind of working on myself. Given, I think the prozac is cause of my exhaustion, I am taking care of myself.

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