Category: General

General

Fighting

Posted on by jeanneji

lucyyhale 🙂 http://twitpic.com/4mot7n

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” –Plato

This is the latest inspiration of the day. Astoundingly fitting, and so new wallpaper time!

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle

I updated the font…I’m a little more content. On a side note. I am so hardcore crushing. There are a few things a happening where things might not be so complicated, although have an alternate ending I wasn’t exactly looking for. May things work out well for everyone, and may I not be the asshole.

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Friends, General

In Good Company

Posted on by jeanneji

School is just getting ridiculous. There is so much work going on and not enough time. No more presentations, but I have my exams (after exam after exam) and the damn piano recital. I’m not ready to play Handel’s Prelude in G Major.

I’m trying not to get too side tracked, but the heavier I fall into work, the more time I need away from it. Like the classic idea, “Study hard and party harder.” I’m really doing my best to keep sane (and not completely give up on school.)

Thank goodness for Chris. I’ve been over there on a semi-regular basis, at least once a week ish. He really is nice, and we have a good time for both being busy people.  This weekend, he asked me for a favor, which I don’t mind doing if I am able to.  It took a little bit, but I was able to find what he was looking for.

IMG_20110409_232652I told him he owed me, and for starters, he offered to make pizza if I hadn’t eaten yet. I’m not turning down free food if it’s already pretty much made. All said and done- it wasn’t bad. Not the absolute best pizza in the world, but still pretty delicious…and mad props for making it entirely from scratch! He found Star Wars on TV and put that on because he says I’m a nerd. Just because I can recite some lines…jeeze. He was giving me crap about that all night, and I kept saying how we didn’t have to watch it (Empire Strikes Back was followed by Return of the Jedi).  Ended up crashing since it was early and I was getting tired. To an extent, I feel bad for spending the night- something about intruding on space, even though he says he’s ok with it. I mean, I crashed on the couch, and he felt bad saying I didn’t have to sleep on the couch and  could have slept on the bed. I don’t know…In that sense, I can’t help but think I’m in the way, but we go back and forth on being really nice and actually not minding.

We had this discussion about boys over the weekend too. I’m starting to feel bad about this whole Chris thing on the side. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy, really nice and we get along great, but it was when I was talking about D that was the issue.

D is the one I possibly L word. the one I want, but even though we don’t have this commitment, how can I still go around with another guy? Should I feel guilty about this? Its so Georgia Peachy, but if I feel so strongly about the one, am I allowed to hang around with another?

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General

Jealousy

Posted on by jeanneji

With everything and looking back, I need to start doing things that I say or want to do before I end up making regrets. Regrets…that is something I don’t do.

Top of the list is- you guessed it- Dave. I need to write him a letter. Long overdue, among the many other things.  I just hope I’m not too late, that I didn’t miss my chance…

In the time that I drafted this original entry, (it was too close to the last so I held off), There have been a few changes.  I ended up throwing myself out there to D (not in such an extreme sense of all or nothing, but not my usual ways.) A few days weeks ago, I was starting to lose hope in everything that could be. I was ready to hand over this boy that I honestly might just L word to some girl that may or may not even be a threat.

Just last night, I was scouting Yahoo Answers and a girl asked about dealing with jealousy.

Jealousy … refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values [particularly in reference to a human connection]. It is not to be confused with envy.

Envy is best defined as an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another’s (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it.

I tend to use the two interchangeably (or at least jealous to mean envious), but I always said my deadly sin was envy.  The thing that I consciously realized last night (and possibly subconscious after D) was that jealousy is self-fulfilling [WikiHow] Because if I believe that I am not good enough and that I don’t have any quality being sought, I change to the point where what was not true then, is.  I could go on trying to make this clear, but I hope you understand.

You are the reason…

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Friends, General, School

NSA

Posted on by jeanneji

I just finished the week after spring break. This post will either be incredibly long or I will end up making it into more than one.

Break began after Molec on the 4th. I made it home that night after my own wandering around places (I think looking for shoes). Saturday morning was spent with Amy, Jenn and Amanda at the Philadelphia Premium Outlets (which are not really in Philly at all. Stupid). Forever 21 was having their grand opening then and the first 200 in line get a gift card guaranteed at least $10. A handicapped parking job later, we made it 🙂

IMG_20110307_144747Next few days were spent bumming around and going to the diner with Jenn and Amanda and things of that nature. I can’t recall what really happened though. Monday rolled around and I went to Hoboken, NJ with Lenny and Jimmy to visit Carlo’s Bakery (ie. Cake Boss!).  We were in line for a little over half an hour and then went in.

IMG_20110307_153815IMG_20110307_160351I spent just under $30 for 6 cannolis, strawberry tart, 3 lobster tails, small tiramisu, red velvet cupcake with cream cheese icing…I think that was it. It was very delicious. That adventure ended in a Cracker Barrel dinner and that was it. I went to Amanda’s afterwards to share the goods. This is where it all began.

We were watching Pretty Little Liars, and there was the scene when Spencer is reading on her chaise. It’s a beautiful piece of furniture which Amanda would love to own. We started browsing the internet at Ikea, Walmart, Target and all sorts of places for a cheap one. Then we pull up Craigslist. I’ve had some interesting luck on there- but all good experiences overall.

Jenn left for Orlando that following morning, so I stopped by before she left for her cannoli.  After getting back, Amanda and I kept browsing Craigslist for various things. I wanted an iPod. We were going to make a day of picking up things from Craig. Some Coach bags, an iPod and furniture later…

IMG_20110309_234309A few days of interesting things. Diner with Rob. Best coffee chocolate milkshake thing ever. Thursday was rainy and productive. That night though, after more Craigslist browsing, I got the idea to start reading the casual encounters section. Within the first few clicks, I found a very attractive male and sent him to Amanda. She suggested I send him an email. The things she would like to do if she were not in a committed relationship. Live vicariously. We all do that through each other to an extent, don’t we. Not that people know me, or that I even know me- but, "I never do that…I NEVER do that; I nevverrr do that." That sums it up, right? Anyway, I eventually responded to the listing. I figured it was spring break and I need to live a little? Something like that.

We discussed what would all happen with this. I told Amanda he looked like a Chris. Fast forward, I woke up Friday morning with something in my email. "Hi Jeanne, I’m Chris." Biggest laugh of my life. But pretty much, we exchanged emails all day and decided to meet up that night (since there were plans for Saturday night already.) This is the part where this entry title comes in.

Lou was in town that day, so I was partially out with the lovely couple most of the day. End of the day came around and I was about to head out to meet Chris. Part of me kind of excited since he looks great on paper (theoretically, with electronic paper, and that’s both personality and image). The other half thinking- remember that Craigslist Killer movie? Not sure what to expect out of it all, or if I could even go through with it.

I ended up leaving from Amanda’s. I sent her a screenshot of the email exchange where all his information is present, should anything happen and need to know. Luckily, I made it (hence being here now) in one piece. I even got a hug on my arrival 🙂 We went up to his apartment and watched a mix of tv and movies for a few hours and just talked. It was weird in the sense that I just met this kid (technically, he’s anything but a kid, but that’s what I call everyone) but at the same time, something clicked.

We started nodding off around 3-ish during No country for old men (missed the ending), but he asked if I was ok driving back- if not, I was more than welcome to crash. Crash. Sleep sounded so good, but this was still the first time meeting him. We both had to be up early, and I was hella lazy drive, so I crashed…and lived to tell about it.

Saturday, got up to go home as Chris had chiro. Ran a few errands with my mom. Went to Fyre with Amanda and Lou, and then went to Elyse’s 21st birthday bash. Not a bad day.

I’m summarizing this last part here only because I already fell asleep sitting at the TV writing this and will get back to/reorganize later. Yesterday (as in the Friday) I was out with Kelsey most of the day after class. Did a small barbecue at the ambulance. Went to see Chris again. We watched some more TV, flipping through a lot of weird stuff. Ended up on some show about Polygamy and we both fell asleep on the couch. Haha. He got up and was like. Wow. I don’t want to cut this short, but I need to get some sleep. You’re more than welcome to crash. Oh, and I wanted to crash. But I decided not to get myself too comfortable so soon and put up with a drive back. He walked me out and I left.

I should probably split this up…but I’m gonna go pee and go to bed. Peace

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General

Fate

Posted on by jeanneji

Do you believe in Fate? I’ve had a discussion about it a few times with several different people. It’s hard to say exactly about fate and karma, but I do know that there is this increasing list of signs that are slowly getting me to think that 1. There is most definitely a God, and 2. He is mocking me.

There are so many patterns in my life. Aside from The Dave List and such, there are so many things that are so consistent it weirds me out. Rob joked about how I’m really just a machine running clockwork. I like it as a joke, but I’m not as much a fan when I’m actually trying to do something. Did you know there’s a pattern on how often/when I actually see D? Or that there’s a pattern where I can predict which day of the month I know I can expect a text? In the nearly 2 years that I’ve known him, I’ve only been off once in a prediction- by less than a day. This is what happens when I get to analyze my life.

That being said, I talked to D again the other day. That was interesting because I just got done telling Rob how it was the longest we went without talking, but then I get a convenient text.  But I went over this idea about watching Archer together. He got back to me and it’s probably not going to work out. [Try to break the schedule but it doesn’t work out and we’re back to where we were.] That part is fine, but here’s the funny thing. Shortly after the discussion about my trip out to Erie, I get a text from Eric that reads, “Hey let me know if you are headed to Erie anytime soon. I’m out of hot dogs.” My first reaction was to laugh only because of the coincidental factor and timing of everything lately.

I go between hating him and myself. I’m sure it’s more in my head than anything, but I’ve seen to many romantic movies where my expectations are unrealistic.  I try to balance that out with actually having a fairytale. I read an article about the red and the idea of compatibility. Maybe it’s just not a match. What happens when he’s everything I could have imagined and I’m not much of what he’s looking for? I hate when the truth hurts, but I wish it wasn’t a probability.  I don’t like the idea that something seeming so perfect just isn’t right.

Side note. I think I’m ending project 365. It’s a lot more work than I have time for at the moment. I’ll upload the rest of February or something and leave it be for a while.

Since today, I’ve been roaming the net again and watching some things. Chester See is it-boy of the moment. Loved his little appearances in videos and such, but I like his sound, especially the words. He also did a cover of this one song, which got the comment below.

I dedicate this song to the person who takes my mind off of everything once I look at him. I don’t know who you are yet, but when we fall in love, can this be our song?

I stopped looking when I found it…but I’m so afraid of losing it.

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