General, Health

Day One

So this is my first day up in Hazelton. Jim missed his alarm and missed his one class so I’m not home alone. I got to go on the elliptical this morning and did one of the calorie pre-sets. I will admit it was tougher than I was expecting, but I’m also recovering from illness so I’d like to think that I’m not completely ready for a full fledged workout. Excuses? You decide.

I’m trying to take it easy at the moment. The weather has been pretty crummy so I haven’t tried to leave the house. The dog keeps sleeping under Matt’s bed so she doesn’t want to hang out. I was thinking of maybe being computer productive. Work on my website maybe. I wanted to read up on my camera since I don’t know all that it can do.

The prozac is neutral right now. I’m just still feeling crappy overall and I may be a little paranoid of the itch that may or may not come about. Matt says it should have already happened, but that’s not usually how my body works. We’ll see. I have been so exhausted the past few days. No real desire to do anything, really. I’d really like a change in myself. Here’s to hoping.

Side note: Season Finale of Futurama 🙂

Salmon

Drugs, Health, Home

Emergency Month

Here goes. It’s been a long time since I’ve updated (not as long as I’ve ever gone though). To update things where we left off, I have decided not to go back to school. I just started prozac a few days ago, and I have no idea what I’m doing.

There hasn’t been too much more beyond that. I keep feeling terrible about myself but I’m trying to change that. On a fun note, I had some extra lobster meat (yeah, more lobster than I knew what to do with) so I pulled up a recipe for Lobster Mac & Cheese.

Mmmm...

This upcoming month, Matt will be living at home to do his emergency medicine rotation. He asked if I would go with him and spend the month up there. I couldn’t sleep last night but I was also thinking of all the things I could do. His brother will be at school and then he, his mother and step-dad will all be at work so I will have the place to myself. I would like to make this my opportunity to do something good for myself. They have an elliptical and resistance band machine in the basement, but they also live on a resort so there’s opportunity for me to go out for runs, biking and such. There’s a pool but I’m not a fan of the public, and you need a membership for the actual gym there. I am hoping that I can pretend someone reads this and upload my progress to help myself stay on track and get myself back. It’s a lot easier to imagine things than actually do them. Maybe I’ll read a book on the trail and take some pictures while I’m out there.

I decided against the humiliating option to take a picture of myself to see the before and after. I might just take the scale with me.

Speaking of reading, I’ve been on the reddit funnies a lot. It’s a good way to pass the time, honestly. There’s a mix of the immature witty sarcastic AND intelligent humor. Ok. So I need to start packing and find food. I’ll come back to update again later.

Health

Bengay

I was put on Cymbalta (duloxetine) 3 weeks ago tomorrow. I developed a rash after week 1, but it was slow and minor. A week from then (last week) it had begun to spread and intensify. I went to see the school’s clinic (pretty much useless on a regular basis) but I was hoping for any help I could get.

The nurse practitioner was in. She saw me, told me to stop my medication and try antihistamines. Fast forward to today- Ive been doing a 5×2 regimen of OTC products; loratadine, cetirizine, fexofenadine, diphenhydramine and chlorpheniramine. 3 of those are 1 per 24 hours. I’ve been taking 2 of each every morning (more doses of the diphenhydramine and chlorpheniramine when I feel like it since they’re every 4-6 hours. So that’s 10 minimum pills (and capsules) a day for the past week. This rash just keeps getting worse!

I thought the other night it was getting better- all day I was without noticeable itch; I also spent the entire day almost with M. Maybe it was a really nice distraction. Either way, the rash, which began on my calves, is not progressing up my back and has hit the bra line. My arms are starting to show signs of early rashing.

I’ve been trying to study but this itch is becoming increasingly unbearable! I have this generic tube of bengay (methyl salicylate and menthol) and thought about it earlier. Looked up some information and came across only 2 small lines about people using it for a rash. Each said to avoid it because it will only irritate it and make it worse. I gave up earlier, but as of 20 minutes ago, I could literally not stop scratching. I reached for my tube of bengay and starting coating myself.

Here I sit. slightly warm and cooling tingly, but not itchy. I have never hated my own body so much in my life, but I’m ready to get a new one. M said he’s look into my medrol pack for me because he wanted to (really, that’s super nice) but also wanted to make plans for the weekend. I’m really enjoying his company, but it’d be nice if I weren’t on the verge of skinning myself.

Hm…I’m actually starting to feel the itch tingling again…slightly. Maybe I didn’t coat that area, but it might be fighting back. I need to get things done. But here’s to Bengay. The only thing I have in this house that has made any significance.

…must. stop. scratching.

General, Health, School

Changing

A lot has happened. Good. Bad. I’m not sure where to begin.

The biggest news that I could ever write about is D. He’s seeing someone now. He keeps apologizing for the way things turned out, but I don’t hate him for it. Yes it’s the most upsetting social thing in my life ever (dad doesn’t count here), but I still look at him as one of my best friends (and he told me the same). It hurts, but I’m learning to deal.

School is back and stressful as usual. Since the D situation I reactivated my OKC account. I’ve been chatting with a few people who seem to be really nice. It’s a good feeling when someone out there thinks well of you. I actually have a date in less than 10 hours 🙂 We’ll call him K. There’s also S, but that’s still in the works. We’ll see how any of this turns out.

That’s generally my life. Today is Lenny‘s birthday. 22. Big deal 😛 Anyway. I just wanted to update. I’m on duloxetine now, btw. 0/4.

Health, School

Pooped

It’s almost 6am. I haven’t been able to sleep. I got in a lecture, cleaned my room, did some stretches…I can’t sleep. I was starting to feel a little nauseous but I’m a little better now. I’m almost thinking if I don’t get to bed, I’ll make myself a lovely little breakfast. Some eggs and toast, fruit, yogurt. As nice as that sounds, I rather get to sleep.

My body is exhausted, but my mind is running as usual. I can’t seem to get comfortable enough to put my mind at ease. I figured if I’m going to be up, maybe I’ll do something. I used to spend all night fixing up my website. Those were the days. Difference is, I wanted to stay up and did get tired.

Did I mention I’m on new meds? I’m doing a cross taper off the Lexapro and starting the Wellbutrin. Different mechanism, hopefully some better results.

Oh, and did you notice? I accidentally upgraded the theme (which is a no-no since it’s far from the old one) so I had to restore it again and try to get it back where it was. Bad Jeanne.

Earlier, I told Amanda that all I wanted to do was rant about D. She told me to rant away, which I eventually got to. Some concerns were expressed, and I ended up sending her some conversation exchanges he and I had in the past for her perspective.  She has a positive outlook on this strangely stupid situation I’m in, so I’m feeling better about it. I read through some old things and I got the melty feeling, which I do enjoy. I’m just insecure. I’ve never been in a position like this before, I just want it to be real.

I’m wondering if I should just stay up at this point/if I will be able to get up again once I get to sleep. Can the old girl still do it? Who knows. I might be miserable and collapsing if I stay up- but I guess only one way to find out. Alex’s alarm just went off to get up and study before her exam. I don’t hear anything yet- maybe I’ll text her to get up or something Smile with tongue out

I’m so jealous of the dog right now. She can plop herself down and be asleep within a minute. I wish it were that easy. I wonder if she feels rested though, since she does sleep a lot. I would love to feel rested after a night of sleep. Ooh…I wonder if I make breakfast now, I could get the itis and fall asleep! Mmm…adventure in the works.

Well wrapping things up I guess. Next week is the last week of classes. I have one exam Monday, and then the following week I have 6 finals. I can’t believe it’s already here. So much to do until then. I cannot wait for it to be over. D comes back the 18th- fingers crossed!