Category: School

General, Internets, School

Venturestein’d

Posted on by jeanneji

SHE LIVES! Hello hello.  I can finally say that I’ve been hard at work with some things. Portfolio is coming together nicely and I cleaned up my main site a ton. Overall, I’m pretty satisfied with it 🙂

I’m currently halfway through my master’s program and that is keeping me busy (in addition to the job search). Hopefully this momentum continues *fingers crossed*

What else is going on? Gammer (I swear, he’s like my spirit animal) and the gang have been working on some amazing stuff that I’ve been listening to the last week or so. This really brings me back – check out his SoundCloud for a free download of his latest mixtape! There are so many good songs on there (then add in what Darren Styles has been working on!) HTID, fo realz, yo. UK Hardcore moves my soul.

As I stand here, right here I am taken by the view
Leaves me speechless, I’m overwhelmed being here with you
Can you feel my heartbeat, can you read the signs, this is our destiny
You said “don’t jump too soon, baby, what will be will be”

I feel I’m on top of the world tonight, with you
The stars all shine so bright tonight, when I’m with you
And I don’t wanna come down, I don’t wanna come down
I wanna stay up here tonight
I feel I’m on top of the world tonight, with you

– Darren Styles, Dougal & Gammer feat. Hannah Faulkner – Top Of The World ; (Alive)

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General, Love, School

Alexander Pope

Posted on by jeanneji

I’m such a whore.

I’m not even sure why I keep writing about all these people. Yes, I’ve been talking with a number of people from OKC and there’s a lot more good people out there than you’d think. Maybe a little strange that they’re all strangers on the internet.

Latest update? I haven’t heard anything from K since. Kind of bummed, but what do I really have to be attached to? It’s nice to have the attention (let’s be real) and get along as friends do, but we’ve known each other a few weeks.

Same applies for M. Like Money Penny 😛 We’ve only been chatting the weekend and actually went out yesterday. There’s that non-stop chatter between us. If we’re counting, I spent about 19 hours with him yesterday (into today). We went out for a late lunch in which the bartender took his card over my money (unbelievable). Walked a little and sat on Kelly Drive for a bit, just talking about everything and watching geese. Then I really had to pee and his place was a lot closer than mine so we went there.

Ended up watching Archer, and The Walking Dead, followed by mindless TV movies (Star Trek). Somewhere around 3-4am he wanted to lay down- still didn’t sleep though. Talked all through 8am when he dropped me off at my place so I could get to class.

I showered after class and crashed until 4pm-ish. Made dinner (all I had in 24 hours was that mac and cheese from Liberties– delicious, by the way). Just got back from an Omega meeting now and I have to study for my exam tomorrow.

Overall it’s been a really nice weekend but this upcoming week is going to kill me (and the next) but then it’ll be spring break and I’ll have some time to catch up and calm down. In the mean time, I have shit to do, but I’m really liking this latest distraction. 🙂

Ps. I got mirena placed!

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General, Health, School

Changing

Posted on by jeanneji

A lot has happened. Good. Bad. I’m not sure where to begin.

The biggest news that I could ever write about is D. He’s seeing someone now. He keeps apologizing for the way things turned out, but I don’t hate him for it. Yes it’s the most upsetting social thing in my life ever (dad doesn’t count here), but I still look at him as one of my best friends (and he told me the same). It hurts, but I’m learning to deal.

School is back and stressful as usual. Since the D situation I reactivated my OKC account. I’ve been chatting with a few people who seem to be really nice. It’s a good feeling when someone out there thinks well of you. I actually have a date in less than 10 hours 🙂 We’ll call him K. There’s also S, but that’s still in the works. We’ll see how any of this turns out.

That’s generally my life. Today is Lenny‘s birthday. 22. Big deal 😛 Anyway. I just wanted to update. I’m on duloxetine now, btw. 0/4.

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Health, School

Pooped

Posted on by jeanneji

It’s almost 6am. I haven’t been able to sleep. I got in a lecture, cleaned my room, did some stretches…I can’t sleep. I was starting to feel a little nauseous but I’m a little better now. I’m almost thinking if I don’t get to bed, I’ll make myself a lovely little breakfast. Some eggs and toast, fruit, yogurt. As nice as that sounds, I rather get to sleep.

My body is exhausted, but my mind is running as usual. I can’t seem to get comfortable enough to put my mind at ease. I figured if I’m going to be up, maybe I’ll do something. I used to spend all night fixing up my website. Those were the days. Difference is, I wanted to stay up and did get tired.

Did I mention I’m on new meds? I’m doing a cross taper off the Lexapro and starting the Wellbutrin. Different mechanism, hopefully some better results.

Oh, and did you notice? I accidentally upgraded the theme (which is a no-no since it’s far from the old one) so I had to restore it again and try to get it back where it was. Bad Jeanne.

Earlier, I told Amanda that all I wanted to do was rant about D. She told me to rant away, which I eventually got to. Some concerns were expressed, and I ended up sending her some conversation exchanges he and I had in the past for her perspective.  She has a positive outlook on this strangely stupid situation I’m in, so I’m feeling better about it. I read through some old things and I got the melty feeling, which I do enjoy. I’m just insecure. I’ve never been in a position like this before, I just want it to be real.

I’m wondering if I should just stay up at this point/if I will be able to get up again once I get to sleep. Can the old girl still do it? Who knows. I might be miserable and collapsing if I stay up- but I guess only one way to find out. Alex’s alarm just went off to get up and study before her exam. I don’t hear anything yet- maybe I’ll text her to get up or something Smile with tongue out

I’m so jealous of the dog right now. She can plop herself down and be asleep within a minute. I wish it were that easy. I wonder if she feels rested though, since she does sleep a lot. I would love to feel rested after a night of sleep. Ooh…I wonder if I make breakfast now, I could get the itis and fall asleep! Mmm…adventure in the works.

Well wrapping things up I guess. Next week is the last week of classes. I have one exam Monday, and then the following week I have 6 finals. I can’t believe it’s already here. So much to do until then. I cannot wait for it to be over. D comes back the 18th- fingers crossed!

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General, School

Thanks, G

Posted on by jeanneji

It’s almost that time again. November has always been a tough month for me after my dad. It’s weird to be celebrating D‘s birthday as such a big happy event and then get to the end and be super depressed. School is extremely busy- as expected. I have one more exam on Friday before I’m more or less free for break. Thanksgiving. Then 7 years. Wow. Has it really been that long? The more I go to therapy the more I find that event is the root of many of my issues. I know it was big. I just never imagined it would take such a huge toll- now.

D‘s coming home for the holiday. Not too long, but here. Maybe working out a visit? Doubt it but it’s always possible 🙂 Sometimes I get crazy ideas like being invited over and meeting the family. HAH. I have a nice Christmas outfit in mind 😛

The problem is…lately I’ve been having dreams about Sean. I saw him the other night (I usually don’t see him ever) and it definitely made me smile inside. Amanda knows about my super crush and I told her about this. She asked what I would do if he ever “put the moves” on me. I honestly don’t know. They’re both fantastic people and I would be so luck to have either of them. But do I have to pick?

What I do know is that I love my dog. Haha. She’s so freaking cute and my phone has so many pictures of her. She’s my lucky lady.

Oh. My meds were upped last week. I don’t think it’s really doing anything for me, but I have a few weeks until my next appt. I wonder what the next option is. I’m starting to think that it’s not something meds will fix, but I need to change my mindset and just how I am. That’s not to say it will be a simple task, but I’m not sure medication is the right answer.

Ugh. There’s a lot of food around me. I feel like I’ve been eating for two the past week or so. I hope it’s just a part of being a girl and that time of the month. I really hope. My thighs are looking huge. I hate being a girl sometimes. A lot of the time.

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