Change in Direction

Posted on 9 May 2012 by jeanneji

Wow. I’ve never really been one for Sex In The City, but right now I feel like Carrie Bradshaw. I am basically living here with Matt. I know, it’s been a while. But I finished out my semester. There’s a lot of school drama with that, actually, but I’m looking to see if I even get to pass the semester. That’s not like me. Things have changed dramatically. I’ve been such a mess. You could say that I lost my footing and the Matt thing is throwing me off and I’ve neglected school because of him, but he’s been good for my mental health. He’s a doctor. Haha

Anyway, the Carrie thing. I’ve been here a lot. I’m sitting in the kitchen on my new computer. I’m writing and he was sweeping in the kitchen and just hanging out. I feel like a writer, sitting back and just doing my thing. This is a really cool satisfying feeling, actually. I like it a lot. I feel so independent. I’m just here, pretty much doing things on my own. But I honestly have the best boyfriend in the world. He is so much more than I could have ever hoped for. I am so happy with him. I can’t say I’m completely happy because I’ve been having trouble with myself- but that’ a work in progress.

He’s so crazy and nerdy. He pretty much completes me. I encouraged him to drink the other day after we both had really long weeks and he started letting some things slip(?) about if we end up married or if I take his hand. I honestly wouldn’t mind that. He’s good for me. The only thing is that his friend got married after only knowing a girl for 3 months. He doesn’t want to do things like that, but I get the feeling this is pretty solid. I’m just enjoying myself in the mean time. Next weekend is the start of our vacation. We’re going down to his family’s place in North Carolina (10 hour drive) for a few days, then we’re driving out to Ocean City, MD (9 hour drive) for about a week to ourselves. I’m super excited. I really need this.

He’s preparing dinner right now. Things are great. We’re going to watch jeopardy. I’ll try to keep this updated more often. Peace out

Home, Summer

Feathers

Posted on 25 August 2011 by jeanneji

Yes, I know its an increasing trend. I may or may not be on the bandwagon, but I like them. Its not to say I’ve never liked them until now, but its so easy to come by so why not?

mallard

Ps. Did I mention I love ducks? Mallard earrings and feathers all acquired from etsy 🙂

Pps. I have since added a black iridescent rooster feather, but I do not have a picture. Woo. I can’t even find it when my hair is wet.

Summer

Ms. Miss

Posted on 17 July 2011 by jeanneji

I’m laying here in bed. You came up in conversation earlier. I can’t help but say, I miss you.

General, Summer

Take Me There

Posted on 3 August 2010 by jeanneji

Last night I wrote an email to D. I did my best to lay everything out clear and honest. I came home today just before 10 and opened my inbox. I’m writing this at 12:08am and all I have accomplished is reading the briefing subject line.

Even those few words make him the shit. I’m gonna have my heart broken, but still be mush because it’s him. I needed to tell someone about this, but I have told no one. This is something I am doing on my own. I might be able to update following how the read is.

We’re also watching Kick-Ass right now, so we’ll see…Is this the time to finally let go?

EDIT

It’s 1:15am and I am not dying at all. It only took 3 hours. But I did it. All by myself.

General, Summer

Paths in Life

Posted on 21 July 2010 by jeanneji

Tonight has been definitely interesting. Well first off, I picked up a job with my mom, working 10 hours a day. Not a big deal; it’s tiring, but it pays. Tonight is the Pretty Little Liars new episode. Amanda missed it so she and I were gonna chat and watch it together 🙂

I decided to watch it at Jenn’s, and every time I drive there, I’m always thinking- I wonder if I’ll see James. He lives there ish too. I log on, watch the show. First IM goes to Amanda pre-sir. BAM. IM from James. 1 Minute later (literal minute), Dave IMs me. [ 20 minutes later is Dwy, but thats not huge ]. Wow. Of all the things, all the nights. I got the usual from James, but it was a little more honest in the sense that he really just wanted a quickie.

I haven’t talked to Dave in nearly a month. Since the incident, I tried to detach myself from him and not get so bummed out. I know that I was way into it before, but I didn’t want it to keep hurting. But every time I think I’m doing ok, just before the 2 week mark, he sends me some message/picture out of nowhere. Nothing is really said. Then the same thing happens again. That again was last night. Today though, I kept trying to chat during work and he’s busy too, so it was a few texts over the entire day (up until he signed on).

We chatted. It was crazy though. Like, brief, but it was still something. I went to the diner with the kids after the show and I was texting him. He’s still a sweetheart. Example: there was a coffee spill incident. I asked him if he fixes burns. His reply? With Kisses. C’mon. I pulled a Family Guy line and said, “I should be there, not here” and he said, “Agreed.” Dude. I would have.

I know he’s still on OKC. I have to deal. But I also want to think he’s too busy to be starting anything. I told him that getting the pics out of nowhere feels like I’m not the intended recipient. He said it was intentional. Maybe there’s still something there. I had this shpiel thought out, but I couldn’t even bring it up tonight. We did establish that I’ve seen him more when he’s 6 hours away vs. when he’s about 25 miles. That’s not logical, but maybe we’re just busy people now. When I was at work, I asked him if I’d ever get to see him, and I think I fell again when he said, “I’m trying.”

I believe.

I don’t know where I’m going. Maybe I should take my own words: Be true to yourself and things will fall into place. I only know so much, and I think I need to take that chance, because hurt is inevitable, might as well make it worthwhile.

Scribe