Tag: Boys

General

Last Day

Posted on by jeanneji

This is part 2 of my last day here. I was only here a few days but it’s always so sad to leave. I have to go home for work this weekend but I can’t come back up after another weekend. I would have preferred to be here the next weekend when I didn’t have to leave on a Friday night, but I wanted to be here now.

This is starting to get difficult. I really feel so close to him, but I just can’t say it yet. The classic girl in me wants it to be perfect. Just right. I hate being this way.

I was chatting with Dave for a bit the other day. It came out how I have been depressed. He’s really supportive and says wonderful things about me. It’s interesting when he says he has dreams about me, but he’s got his girlfriend. Why am I so special. There’s a part of me, maybe I don’t feel exactly like I used to about him, but there’s still history there. He’s still a great guy. I’ve been watching How I Met Your Mother and there’s advice against having your ex at the wedding. I’ve been thinking that I might want to have Dave at my wedding. I know that could be bad, but I want to think we are great friends that are past this. I’m sure it would probably be on me anyway.

I wish I knew where I was going in life.

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General

Get Over It

Posted on by jeanneji

Those are the hardest words I’ve ever encountered. The concept is clear and simple, but the action is so impossible- or so it seems. I remember the first time someone told me those words; I was stunned. For once, they didn’t try to take the blame away from me and soften the blow. It wasn’t something that someone else did or nothing of my concern, it was just something I had to move on from myself.

I saw Sean earlier tonight. I’m a super creep and I know it. There’s something about him I can’t resist. I think he now has a girlfriend (which should mean she’s high priority enemy) but why? Sean and I have never talked beyond high acquaintances. He has no idea I have this silly crush, and I’m just another nice girl at this school. When I saw him tonight, he was with some friends, another girl who I’m fairly envious of, and it just told me that I will never be in that picture.

It’s a little outrageous how my mind works. I have no reasons beyond what is in my head to justify what I’m doing, but I know this is something I have to let go. We can be friends- that is not a problem. I’m just not like him…or any of them.

I try to tell myself that I have D and I don’t need anything else. That’s true. I just can’t help but feel that my heart broke a little tonight in a dream that would have never worked. Of course, I still get doubts about D. I mention those all the time. I don’t like to think about it only because I don’t think much of myself. The more I put myself down, the more likely he is to actually find someone else. I know I’m tired of being alone, but there is a reason why things are they way they are.

I’m starting new meds tonight. Maybe this will have some effect. I need to see myself in a better light because that is where a large part of my problem is. I don’t want to lose what I have, but the dark hole inside me doesn’t think anything is there to begin with.

D, I am so in lesbians with you.

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Friends, General, School

NSA

Posted on by jeanneji

I just finished the week after spring break. This post will either be incredibly long or I will end up making it into more than one.

Break began after Molec on the 4th. I made it home that night after my own wandering around places (I think looking for shoes). Saturday morning was spent with Amy, Jenn and Amanda at the Philadelphia Premium Outlets (which are not really in Philly at all. Stupid). Forever 21 was having their grand opening then and the first 200 in line get a gift card guaranteed at least $10. A handicapped parking job later, we made it 🙂

IMG_20110307_144747Next few days were spent bumming around and going to the diner with Jenn and Amanda and things of that nature. I can’t recall what really happened though. Monday rolled around and I went to Hoboken, NJ with Lenny and Jimmy to visit Carlo’s Bakery (ie. Cake Boss!).  We were in line for a little over half an hour and then went in.

IMG_20110307_153815IMG_20110307_160351I spent just under $30 for 6 cannolis, strawberry tart, 3 lobster tails, small tiramisu, red velvet cupcake with cream cheese icing…I think that was it. It was very delicious. That adventure ended in a Cracker Barrel dinner and that was it. I went to Amanda’s afterwards to share the goods. This is where it all began.

We were watching Pretty Little Liars, and there was the scene when Spencer is reading on her chaise. It’s a beautiful piece of furniture which Amanda would love to own. We started browsing the internet at Ikea, Walmart, Target and all sorts of places for a cheap one. Then we pull up Craigslist. I’ve had some interesting luck on there- but all good experiences overall.

Jenn left for Orlando that following morning, so I stopped by before she left for her cannoli.  After getting back, Amanda and I kept browsing Craigslist for various things. I wanted an iPod. We were going to make a day of picking up things from Craig. Some Coach bags, an iPod and furniture later…

IMG_20110309_234309A few days of interesting things. Diner with Rob. Best coffee chocolate milkshake thing ever. Thursday was rainy and productive. That night though, after more Craigslist browsing, I got the idea to start reading the casual encounters section. Within the first few clicks, I found a very attractive male and sent him to Amanda. She suggested I send him an email. The things she would like to do if she were not in a committed relationship. Live vicariously. We all do that through each other to an extent, don’t we. Not that people know me, or that I even know me- but, "I never do that…I NEVER do that; I nevverrr do that." That sums it up, right? Anyway, I eventually responded to the listing. I figured it was spring break and I need to live a little? Something like that.

We discussed what would all happen with this. I told Amanda he looked like a Chris. Fast forward, I woke up Friday morning with something in my email. "Hi Jeanne, I’m Chris." Biggest laugh of my life. But pretty much, we exchanged emails all day and decided to meet up that night (since there were plans for Saturday night already.) This is the part where this entry title comes in.

Lou was in town that day, so I was partially out with the lovely couple most of the day. End of the day came around and I was about to head out to meet Chris. Part of me kind of excited since he looks great on paper (theoretically, with electronic paper, and that’s both personality and image). The other half thinking- remember that Craigslist Killer movie? Not sure what to expect out of it all, or if I could even go through with it.

I ended up leaving from Amanda’s. I sent her a screenshot of the email exchange where all his information is present, should anything happen and need to know. Luckily, I made it (hence being here now) in one piece. I even got a hug on my arrival 🙂 We went up to his apartment and watched a mix of tv and movies for a few hours and just talked. It was weird in the sense that I just met this kid (technically, he’s anything but a kid, but that’s what I call everyone) but at the same time, something clicked.

We started nodding off around 3-ish during No country for old men (missed the ending), but he asked if I was ok driving back- if not, I was more than welcome to crash. Crash. Sleep sounded so good, but this was still the first time meeting him. We both had to be up early, and I was hella lazy drive, so I crashed…and lived to tell about it.

Saturday, got up to go home as Chris had chiro. Ran a few errands with my mom. Went to Fyre with Amanda and Lou, and then went to Elyse’s 21st birthday bash. Not a bad day.

I’m summarizing this last part here only because I already fell asleep sitting at the TV writing this and will get back to/reorganize later. Yesterday (as in the Friday) I was out with Kelsey most of the day after class. Did a small barbecue at the ambulance. Went to see Chris again. We watched some more TV, flipping through a lot of weird stuff. Ended up on some show about Polygamy and we both fell asleep on the couch. Haha. He got up and was like. Wow. I don’t want to cut this short, but I need to get some sleep. You’re more than welcome to crash. Oh, and I wanted to crash. But I decided not to get myself too comfortable so soon and put up with a drive back. He walked me out and I left.

I should probably split this up…but I’m gonna go pee and go to bed. Peace

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