Tag: Chris

Friends, General

In Good Company

Posted on by jeanneji

School is just getting ridiculous. There is so much work going on and not enough time. No more presentations, but I have my exams (after exam after exam) and the damn piano recital. I’m not ready to play Handel’s Prelude in G Major.

I’m trying not to get too side tracked, but the heavier I fall into work, the more time I need away from it. Like the classic idea, “Study hard and party harder.” I’m really doing my best to keep sane (and not completely give up on school.)

Thank goodness for Chris. I’ve been over there on a semi-regular basis, at least once a week ish. He really is nice, and we have a good time for both being busy people.  This weekend, he asked me for a favor, which I don’t mind doing if I am able to.  It took a little bit, but I was able to find what he was looking for.

IMG_20110409_232652I told him he owed me, and for starters, he offered to make pizza if I hadn’t eaten yet. I’m not turning down free food if it’s already pretty much made. All said and done- it wasn’t bad. Not the absolute best pizza in the world, but still pretty delicious…and mad props for making it entirely from scratch! He found Star Wars on TV and put that on because he says I’m a nerd. Just because I can recite some lines…jeeze. He was giving me crap about that all night, and I kept saying how we didn’t have to watch it (Empire Strikes Back was followed by Return of the Jedi).  Ended up crashing since it was early and I was getting tired. To an extent, I feel bad for spending the night- something about intruding on space, even though he says he’s ok with it. I mean, I crashed on the couch, and he felt bad saying I didn’t have to sleep on the couch and  could have slept on the bed. I don’t know…In that sense, I can’t help but think I’m in the way, but we go back and forth on being really nice and actually not minding.

We had this discussion about boys over the weekend too. I’m starting to feel bad about this whole Chris thing on the side. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy, really nice and we get along great, but it was when I was talking about D that was the issue.

D is the one I possibly L word. the one I want, but even though we don’t have this commitment, how can I still go around with another guy? Should I feel guilty about this? Its so Georgia Peachy, but if I feel so strongly about the one, am I allowed to hang around with another?

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Friends, Internets

FFS

Posted on by jeanneji

In a medical abbreviation, FFS in one case stood for “fell from sky.” I have this fear of falling, both physically and emotionally.

I am only going into my third week of just knowing Chris, but I have this fear that I am beginning to fall.  Going into this, it was established that there were to be no strings attached. He said he was not particularly looking for anything, but at the same time, if something came up (in general, not our situation specifically), then so be it. What happens when I can’t hold up my end of the deal?

I’ve been there every weekend so far (3 at this point), and we have a good time talking about everything while watching some TV or a movie. Personally, I have a tendency to fall easily only because the qualities I value most in a guy seem to be satisfied very easily, and thus my needs are met. It’s the little things in life that I enjoy, simple and plenty of them. We have a lot in common as is, but the more I get to know him, the more there is about him. Just sitting there today, “there is never spicy enough.” He’s kind of a nerd to top things off.

I do appreciate the type of “friendship” we have; it’s a pretty simple, yet understanding one. He’ll freely bring up tidbits about his mother, sister or friends.  There’s almost a trust in that for opening any sort of information when we just met.

I know I shouldn’t get attached, but what happens if I do? I was a bit upset over something related, but problem is that it shouldn’t matter. I talked to Dave a little bit, just to try and fill a void, but that was short lived (not a bad conversation, just short)…That’s another huge mess I started too : Why do I care so much? For being just friends, I get a little too excited at his messages. He’s more than a gentleman; there’s something about what he says, the way he talks- the way we talk, joke, just fits. Example. Something came up in conversation in a joking light, and I noted how I personally would not appreciate something like that. But then in a serious like, he says, “I respect that…and if [you’re] not cool [with it], I wouldn’t do [that] to you!" I can hear him say that last part, and something about it is just so genuine honest (I used the word with James).  Idk.

I just went through my SMS-Backup, situating the XML file to make it readable etc. and read through some old Dave conversations. There’s a lot of stuff I forgot about, and a handful of “unfinished business”… I could fall for him all over again. But after everything, I’d hold out for him. He’s the one I’d say yes to any day.  As much as I shouldn’t like Chris, I am still crazy about Dave…L word crazy : Even if I try and deny it.

You try to move on, but there’s always something that brings you back.  I foresee myself getting into some trouble here…

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