Tag: James

General, Home, School

My Own Number 23

Posted on by jeanneji

Here is a two part entry. There’s a break in the post (scroll down) for the second topic, which was written later and about the birthday!

IMG_20110204_140514Ever since James, I’ve had my own crazy thing about coincidence. In my own little code way, I gave him the label of “130” (which originated from J130, now without the letter). Like Jim Carrey’s movie, The Number 23, I slowly found myself seeing this number everywhere. Part of it was, now that I designated meaning to this number, I will notice it more often when it’s there. But I still think a part of it is ridiculous how often I ran run into it. From clocks to all the little things. Exhibit A: closet opposite the girls bathroom I walked out of (taken last week)

Then there was Dave. There’s a lot more behind that one, but I just want to note how many more people I have met named Dave, and why the name is tormenting me (not devastating, but I can’t believe how often I encounter it nowadays).

  1. Dave C. from home (with a similar voice intonation, might I add)
  2. Dave Fry
  3. Dave Dry
  4. Dave Hayes
  5. Unique Hair Dave
  6. Temple Camera Lens Dave
  7. T-Mobile Dave
  8. THE Dave
  9. Walmart Security Dave
  10. Roomate’s Boyfriend Dave (David)
  11. Club Dave
  12. District Head of Rite Aid Dave
  13. District Head of Giant Dave
  14. Mom’s Nurse Dave…
  15. Foursquare Dave Dave

Kicker. Today I went in for an interview at Doylestown Hospital.  Head of Operations (Chantel) decided to give me a tour of the place after a nice chat;  first place I was brought was into the back.

Chantel: Jeanne, I’d like you to meet Dave.
Dave: Very nice to meet you. *shake hands*
Chantel: [describing some of the operations and then telling me about Dave some more and what he’s doing. Looking at NEJOM is what I saw.]

On the way out of the back…
Dave: It was nice meeting you Smile

Riiight. There’s got to be at least 3 more, but that’s what I have for now.

Today is Lenny’s 21st Birthday. 1. Happy Birthday. 2….idk

 

The whole presents thing was not easy. The one suggestion I did get was something I already got for him last year. I have a nice card, made him a Reese’s dessert cake and hung a Dora banner that says PARTY * FIESTA.

Tonight is also 2 other birthdays (Lisa and Matt) and the 3V3 Basketball Tourney.  We’re leaving early to do birthday shenanigans, but now I’m feeling terrible. I just got back not too long ago, and Alex was sitting on the couch. She’s sick and very feverish. She’s not sure if she’s going to be able to go out and feels bad about it. I feel terrible not because I’m still sick myself (it’s the weirdest condition (set of conditions plural) ever) but because I was contagious.

Not sure how tonight will go. Physio exam Friday. Naked clin skills tomorrow.

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General, Home

Small Town

Posted on by jeanneji

I’m laying here in bed on my phone right now. I can’t get it out of my head.

First off, today officially marks 6 years since my dad. Crazy stuff.

Second, as the holidays approach and people shop for everyone else, I can’t help but feel alone. I don’t exactly have a committed to exchange with. I have a gift on store for Dave but that’s probably not even mutual (not that I mind since this is something I want to do). It would just be nice to have that exchange.

Third, its a small ass town. Jenn and I did our usual late day Black Friday shopping. End of the night as things were closing, we decided to check out a wine and spirits shop. Took the detour through Wawa. I went in with a goal of getting my pumpkin spice drink and decided to check on soup in the mean time. Boston Clam Chowder. The best stuff they have. I was staring at the machine deciding between medium and large when Jenn starts kicking at my foot. At first I thought it was intentional but she did it again. I look over at her and she’s mortified, looking behind the counter.

James. This so called ex of mine that has been stirring the pot since I met him 4 years ago. I remember that one night we hung out and he was telling me how he got selected with a small group put of a pile of applicants for some intense managerial program with Wawa. I guess that was true because there he was.

Jenn pulled me away as I was canceling my soup. Had an OMG moment in the aisle and didn’t know what to do with him roaming. Tried avoiding contact, and Jenn pushed me away by the drinks (he spotted her) so I went to get my drink. We went to pay and as I stepped out, he saw me. Time slowed down as this eye contact occurred with the “oh shit” feeling as I said to Jenn, he saw me. We went to pay and avoided contact as we left.

This year, I’m thankful for my ex. We were expecting a txt or IM when I got back, but neither. To be honest, I was a little disappointed. Our history is not the best but he at least pretended to care and I miss that. He has this thing over me that I can’t help. I don’t let it eat my time- except when he makes contact; I’m powerless. I have no idea what I’m doing and a part of me wants to see him, even though I know how bad be is for me. Jenn knows how bad which is why she pulls me away. This is a mess.

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General, Summer

Paths in Life

Posted on by jeanneji

Tonight has been definitely interesting.  Well first off, I picked up a job with my mom, working 10 hours a day. Not a big deal; it’s tiring, but it pays.  Tonight is the Pretty Little Liars new episode.  Amanda missed it so she and I were gonna chat and watch it together 🙂

I decided to watch it at Jenn’s, and every time I drive there, I’m always thinking- I wonder if I’ll see James. He lives there ish too. I log on, watch the show. First IM goes to Amanda pre-sir. BAM. IM from James. 1 Minute later (literal minute), Dave IMs me. [ 20 minutes later is Dwy, but thats not huge ].  Wow. Of all the things, all the nights.  I got the usual from James, but it was a little more honest in the sense that he really just wanted a quickie.

I haven’t talked to Dave in nearly a month.  Since the incident, I tried to detach myself from him and not get so bummed out.  I know that I was way into it before, but I didn’t want it to keep hurting.  But every time I think I’m doing ok, just before the 2 week mark, he sends me some message/picture out of nowhere.  Nothing is really said. Then the same thing happens again.  That again was last night.  Today though, I kept trying to chat during work and he’s busy too, so it was a few texts over the entire day (up until he signed on).

We chatted. It was crazy though. Like, brief, but it was still something.  I went to the diner with the kids after the show and I was texting him.  He’s still a sweetheart.  Example: there was a coffee spill incident. I asked him if he fixes burns. His reply? With Kisses. C’mon.  I pulled a Family Guy line and said, “I should be there, not here” and he said, “Agreed.”  Dude. I would have.

I know he’s still on OKC. I have to deal. But I also want to think he’s too busy to be starting anything.  I told him that getting the pics out of nowhere feels like I’m not the intended recipient.  He said it was intentional.  Maybe there’s still something there.  I had this shpiel thought out, but I couldn’t even bring it up tonight.  We did establish that I’ve seen him more when he’s 6 hours away vs. when he’s about 25 miles. That’s not logical, but maybe we’re just busy people now.  When I was at work, I asked him if I’d ever get to see him, and I think I fell again when he said, “I’m trying.”

I believe.

I don’t know where I’m going. Maybe I should take my own words: Be true to yourself and things will fall into place.  I only know so much, and I think I need to take that chance, because hurt is inevitable, might as well make it worthwhile.

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