General

Next Time

D is headed out tomorrow- earlyish. Ideally, I’d meet him at a pit stop along the way just so I can see him before he’s gone. This would be the first time I’ve seen him on the east coast since I met him (2+ years ago)…and also the first time since about January 6 of this year. I’m optimistic in the sense that I’d kill to see this kid…but I’m doubtful that it’ll work out since my master plans always fall apart.

There’ was something I wanted to show him. This boy lives and breathes Philadelphia; there’s a magnificent view of it at night from a bridge by my place. I would have loved to take him there- but there was just never time. I took pictures of it once night, and I just wrote an email to him and attached the pictures. A little something for going away.  By the end of the email, I felt like I was writing a farewell. I know that this isn’t goodbye- it never is. It just bums me out like I’ll never see him again.  I probably should be so attached or care this much, but I do.

I’ve pretty much come down to this decision right now.  I’m dropping the topic. It’s the only good thing I can do right now. I’m always pushing topics and ideas to see him. I’m sure some would say that if he wanted to see me or something, he’d make some time or maybe have a little more effort. Any other situation I would agree, but this is different. I honestly believe that. I’m not hanging on to the high hope that I’ll see him any time soon (as much as I would love that), so in a sense maybe the email was a farewell. Farewell for now. If he happens to say something tomorrow, then I’ll be ecstatic, but whatever. Things will happen if they’re supposed to happen. Things have a time, and I’m going to kick patience in the ass.

Side note. I broke the left click button on my laptop again. It works when I push on it, but it doesn’t spring back up as a “button” anymore. This is the second time the exact thing happened. The only thing different is that my computer is no longer under warranty.  Damn broken rubbers.

General, Summer

Life After

I’ve been pseudo productive the past few days.  I’m feeling pretty reflective at the moment.  I haven’t really been sleeping well…or at all, sort of. Reminds me of the first few weeks I spent in this house. I hope I don’t have to have an adjustment period each time I am here. I miss my dreams, and I really miss the rested feeling.

First off, I moved back down to Philadelphia for this week. Yes, for the week. Kelsey is on her week cruise and so she’s out of the house; Janine asked if I would stay so she would not be alone in the house. Not having any prior engagements being location based, I agreed. Kaitlyn was originally planning on coming down as a part of her road trip to NC, but that fell through 🙁 I came down Monday before noon and have been here since. While Janine was at class, I cleaned the entirety of the kitchen and bathroom (besides the toilet…we didn’t have a brush for that).  We also went to the gym somewhere after 4:30.  Did some cardio and lifting; when 6 came around, I was persuaded to participate in the Butts and Guts class. Worst decision ever. Haha. Ok. It’s just been a while since I’ve had a serious work out like that.  I feel so incapacitated. Each sneeze, cough or belch is a heart attack of pain. I love the burn, but this is terrible.

Tuesday, I was supposed to meet up with Jennifer at LOVE PARK but then with my car, there was not a good outlook on free parking. Sorry, baby. I ended up going to Fairmount Park instead. I’ve never been there before, so it was an adventure. I put on my Opening Acts playlist (Rookie, Go Crash and Kiernan) and walked around for about 2.5 hours. Looking at the map now, I covered a minimal amount of park in that time u_u;; I did take a good chunk of pictures though. CLICK! That was pretty much Tuesday. Today (I can’t believe it’s Wednesday already) I didn’t do much. Or at least I stayed indoors. I have the biggest trouble moving around (Ron hosts a mean class). I’s more of transitioning from sitting to standing or vice versa. I watched a small chunk of Daria (I adore her.), did my nails (toes and hands), wrote a note to Dave.

D. I haven’t had any contact with him in about a week? The last time was a mere span of about 5-txts each.  Well I wrote a little note on this little sheet about 3″x2″. haha. It’s short and to the point, and that’s sending tomorrow, and maybe I’ll hear from him.  It’s times like this that I wonder if things would be different if I had a Myspace or Facebook, especially.

It’s been a good 6 months since I’ve dropped Facebook, at least.  Life without it. It’s a very different thing. I had a problem, constantly checking it, just hoping for something new. Nothing ever happened, and just now, I found some people I can kinda relate to: Kids’ Mom.  Through all the friends I had on there, there’s only the few I can count on one hand that I keep in touch with? There were PILES of my friends that asked me, “Jeanne, since when were you not on facebook?” MONTHS after it happens. Even after we had group discussions on it! Honestly, a piece of me died (I guess I didn’t matter that much) but I’m over it. I’m secure enough to know who I’ve got when I need them most <3 Ok. So I’m out of the loop, and that’s probably the hardest challenge. I wasn’t technically invited to Steve’s Barbecue, or know of other events. Luckily, my friends are amazing and have started relaying messages to me that I need to know. All I miss out on are the pictures that everyone else posts and the latest on who is or isn’t dating who.  It’s so weird to see how powerful those sites have become. Is it really hurting me by not having it? Probably to an extent- yes.

Each day, I’m one step closer to falling back into the routine of the internet. I used to think I was the internet. I was everywhere; I did everything. Thinking about it, I think I was the one who broke up with him. Always room for reconciliation, but it’s just a matter of when. I’ll admit, Dave is probably the one reason that I would break my plans of my comeback (I promise, it’s a great plan.)  Assuming those plans don’t fall through, it’s gonna be grand, since none of my local friends know about it. Hm…I think about 6 people know, actually. I’m still waiting for a response on that though…*high hopes* But fuck it, I might just come back if that falls.

Since Kaitlyn isn’t coming down anymore, I think I’m heading back tomorrow sometime. I might hit up another part of Fairmount Park before going back. I haven’t decided yet.  Maybe the Art Museum while I’m there too ^^ I’m such a tourist for actually living here; always taking pictures and never actually seeing the places people come to sight see. Haha.

SHIT! How could I forget! Why do I ramble so much? 2 topics left. 1. Comments. 2. PHONE <3. You know me. First off, about comments. Remember when it was a huge deal to have comments? When we were all raking in double digits of legit, spam-free comments? Oh the days! Ksusha, Evan (Brandi), Krystina, Myun, Kokoro, Mitsu, Hoshi…HIKARU! Damn. Back then, I really was the internet. Ps. I miss Hikaru soooo much still. I wish she’d come back. Anyway. Comments. Now a days, I write, 0 comments, but it’s ok. I write for me- to help me organize some thoughts and get them out. It’s not about seeking approval, trying to uber impress someone or anything. Sure, it’d be nice to get some input like I used to here or there. The input from neutral parties I trust that I can’t even bring up to the closest of my IRL friends (that’s almost sad 🙁 ) but whatever.

Phone. October 9th, 2009. My calendar is marked. Sony Ericsson gave me another technogasm. Satio. I will molest the hell out of him. Jenn knows…I licked lemony JB at Chipotle 😛 My vice, I know. But that’s a quirk you either accept or not.

I never uploaded pics either. I might do that now until I decide to get to bed. I’ll be sure to share 🙂 PCE